BOLD STATEMENTS

1. Who is the ESPN the Magazine Body Issue for? It's subscriber base has to be 90% straight males. So you send us an issue half filled with naked men? I understand some of the pictures are of women. But its 2013. Pornography is ubiquitous and mostly free. Nobody needs ESPN the Magazine to provide that. Are you making a statement about body image? Than why not show pictures of normal people naked rather that the top 1% of 1% athletes. This doesn't offend me as a prudish Christian. It offends me as a consumer.

2. Every cast member of Modern Family is replaceable. You could replace Ty Burrell with Zach Braff, Ed O'Neill with Ted Danson, Jesse Tyler Ferguson with basically anybody and it would be the same show. Try Community without Danny Pudi. Or Parks and Recreation without Nick Offerman. The show would be 50% less funny. The Emmy's should consider this next year.

3. I saw this great play where 2 guy and 2 girls came into the same room at different times and argued, it was called (insert name of almost any play since 1950).

4. Every musical is 30 minutes too long. There is absolutely no need for falling action in musicals. No one leaves the theater saying "But what happened to Character X?" They just want to talk about their favorite songs which almost always happened before intermission. Wrap it the eff up!

5. Cuteness is the most important evolutionary trait for animals in the world as human's rule. Pandas have been saved and protected by humans because we can't get enough of them. If Panda's looked a chupacabra we would have handed out a medal to the guy who killed the last one. In 1910.

6. Comparing someone to Hitler is a great way to say "I'm worried I'm losing this argument" or "I'm a colossal a-hole." The only exception is if your counterpart says "Don't you feel like we're a bit heavy on the Jews in our society" or "I sure could do with s'more lebensraum."

7. Did you just think "too soon" on that last statement? Grow up. It's not too soon if you weren't alive when it happened. If you were alive when this happened you're clearly reading over your grandchild's shoulder, so knock it off!

8. Oliver Stone thinks America should be apologetic for its past foreign policy. I agree. But not as apologetic as Oliver Stone should be for the last 20 years of his career.

9. To the drunk guy at the party that wants to get up in my face at the party because of my religious beliefs: You can take my decision to come to this party--despite not drinking--to mean that I'm here because I'm able to have friends who don't share my exact views of the world. Maybe we can reschedule your saving of my soul to next weekend.

10. You should watch Bill Burr's stand up. He's a pretty funny guy. I think you'd like him, if you can handle what we'll call "Massachusetts Language".